Hearing God's Call

I don't know if I am in the majority or minority of Christians, as this is a topic I find rarely discussed. Yesterday, I don't think I heard God's calling. I think I heard God's shouting, singing, yelling, and maybe even slapping me around a little (metaphorically, not physically). Of course, that is apparently what it took to get my attention, so I say, "Well done, God."

I have lived all my life attending church regularly. I never had a period where I went more than a couple weeks without attending a church service. But I don't know if I was ever really listening for God. So maybe he has been calling me and I just missed it.

I have always felt kind of like I have been living the song "Smell the Color Nine" by Chris Rice. (I highly recommend this song if you are unfamiliar with it. If you don't know it, it is well worth the 99 cents or whatever it would cost to download it from your favorite digital music seller.) The whole point of the song can be drilled down to the last three lines of the chorus:

But sometimes finding you
Is just like trying to
Smell the color nine

(If you still don't get it, listen to the song. Chris is nice enough to give the meaning in plain English at the end.)

But the line that always really hit me hard was this:

And I've never heard the calling
But somehow you've led me right here

I never thought I was that far from Christ. Looking back, there have been times I have strayed (pretty widely, if I am honest). And recently, I have been trying to live closer to God. So maybe it hasn't been God's lack of calling, but my lack of hearing.

I guess maybe I am having a bit of an early mid-life crisis. I am trying to figure out what my life is about and what am I really here to accomplish. And while I have a wonderful life and the best family I could dream of having, I wonder if this is all life really is. Or have I been missing a better experience, a fuller life, and a deeper meaning?

So while I have been considering some changes in my life, I still hadn't felt what I would say is a calling. Good ideas, noble thoughts, maybe even some self-sacrifice, certainly. But was it what God was telling me to do, or was it my own mind trying to paint a picture of something that I hoped would be better for me, but really wasn't God's intent, or even better for God?

Yesterday, though, I think I would have to claim deafness and stupidity to say that I didn't hear God calling to me. From the songs on the radio, to the Sunday School lesson (which wasn't about my calling), to the music during church, to the sermon (also not about my calling), everything seemed to be telling me to, "Get moving." And if that wasn't enough, we ended the church service with my favorite hymn, which actually is about responding to God's call.

So, it is time for me to commit to making some changes. I don't know how things will work. I don't even know if what I am cut out for some of what I am heading into. To say the least, there is fear and trepidation in my mind. My future is a question mark to me, a fog through which I cannot see. But I now have a definite heading, a compass point to follow.

God has shown me a path. And while I do not know exactly where it leads, I am going to start walking. I am going to take a couple of steps of faith. No, I don't know where I will end up, but I have faith in God to get me where he would have me be. And I trust God to give me and those who will be walking with me the strength and grace to work through whatever obstacles we encounter.

I pray God's peace upon this journey for myself and for my family and friends. For this is not a journey of one man, but a journey of a community. I cannot do this alone (and I wouldn't want to). May we all come out of this as better people and better servants.

I will give you all updates "from the road".

God Bless,
JAy.